****NEW YORK CITY SHOWCASE (DESIGNER LINE OF CLOTHING)….see it all at SWELL

****TWO WARS ARE BETTER THAN ONE…. some people die, some people make profits with u.s. army contracts. WAR

****THE GABBY CABBY FIELD OFFICE IN IRAQ (the largest staff of any media office in the middle east)….this week's exclusive true tale is that here is another one of those pictures that cnn and the new york times and the bbc will never show to their audiences. american soldiers are trying so hard to help the kiddies in iraq in everyway they can. by the way, last week, one of the kids who did some wash for the soldiers at the army base had his hands cut off by terrorists (who the media call "insurgents").

****DONALD RUMSFELD IS THE DEFENDANT (franklin v. rumsfeld, 06 Civ. 4579)….united states federal court southern district of new york….hillary clinton who called rumsfeld "incompetent" has asked to see the court papers for my federal lawsuit against the defense secretary. the trial will be later this month.

****THE STREETS OF NEW YORK CITY ARE DANGEROUS….if you get a heart attack or your house is on fire and you think you are going to get help quickly forgetaboutit. our mayor thinks everyone in the suburbs should drive into the big apple and that means that emergency vehicles can not get through our streets. the traffic also explains why new york city has the fastest growing rate of asthma in the nation.

****a grand juror was charged yesterday with fondling himself in brooklyn federal court's jury assembly room, authorities said. he was issued summonses for disorderly conduct, public lewdness and destruction of government property - the room's green carpet. he was discharged from jury duty and told to wash his hands.

****cuban government has mobilized citizen defense militias, saying it fears a u.s. attack during fidel castro's health crisis, even though the white house insists no such threat exists. cubans living in new york city did not think there was going to be an invasion until the white house said there was not going to be one. now, they know it will happen, probably, maybe, sometime.

****a new york city teen sent a letter with white powder in it to a brooklyn police station, including with it a note taunting police to "catch me if you can.'' it was hardly a challenge. they just went to the address he provided on the envelope. the kid probably does well in penmanship in school.

****a mob-linked construction company - whose owners who lied about their dealings with ex-nypd commissioner bernard kerik (rudy giuliani's business partner) must stop doing work for atlantic city casinos, regulators said. i will throttle the next tourist who tells me that giuliani was the greatest mayor in the history of new york city. he was a bum and he hired bums like kerik.

****an apartment building landlord who set fire to a tenant's bedroom in an attempt to drive her from the building has been sentenced to 25 years in prison. sounds just like my landlord who has been called the number one slumlord.

****disgusted queens residents - who endured up to 10 days without power last month - responded with rage yesterday to con ed's offer of a one time only payment of $3 for their suffering. this electric company is run by a bunch of really nasty people.

****the new york city museum of jewish heritage has invited actor mel gibson for a visit as part of his "journey of understanding'' following his anti-semitic tirade during a california traffic stop. you can be assured that the museum will charge admission. nothing is surprising about an organization that financially thrives on the holocaust.

****OLD TIME RADIO (shows you might be too young to remember)….mel blanc was probably best known for the many voices he did for cartoon movies. THE PAST

****THE SNEAKY CAMERA (the hidden camera)….a growing collection of new yorkers are unaware that they are being watched by a certain taxi driver. new ones are added from time to time. take a peep at SNEAKY

****YENTA YACK FROM THE BACK OF THE HACK (what they are talking about in the yellow mobile conveyance lounge)….everyone wants to buy al capone's house at 21 garfield place in brooklyn. price tag is about one million dollars, not stolen ones.

****QUIET PLEASE, THIS IS THE LIBRARY (get away from the din of life)…. "envy" by kathryn harrison published by random house is about a new york city psycho-analyst who is awash in grief. if you are in a happy mood, read this book and then kill yourself in a fit of depression.

****THE STORY BEHIND THE STORY (what the media didn't tell you)....90,000 children in the new york city school system do not speak english. most are illegal aliens from mexico. they are being taught english at great expense to the city, not to mention all of the other social services.

****THE EARL THEATER (it used to be on 161st street in the bronx. new york city has lots of rich people, but it has many more people living in slums thanks to the inaction of the city government and crooked landlords. SLUM

(please note: when playing a movie on your computer, you should diminish the size of the frame. if you have a problem, please contact us.

**AND THAT NEAT MOVIE HOUSE ALWAYS SHOWED A DOUBLE FEATURE AND HERE WE ARE WITH A SECOND FLICK. this is a wonderful trip around new york city in the famous yellow mobile conveyance lounge. HONK HONK

****THE HEY ABBOTT AWARD (an epistle about life)....secretary of state condi rice who is a black woman. arabs hate blacks and hate women. someone should tell her that the people she is dealing with are not taking her seriously. she is like mother goose telling fairy tales to the american public.

****STOP THE MUSIC (do you know what tv show this theme came from?)….everyone just hoped that they too could have their own witch living in their house. this particular witch was the kind that made you drool. TV

****THE MOST WANTED TOUR IN THE BIG APPLE…. here are some happy visitors. you too can have a tour by going to TOUR INFO

**to listen to what other happy tourists had to say about the tour, just go AUDIO

**to see some additional happy tourists perform in short video productions go VIDEO

**to hear broadcast spots about some of the places where folks are taken to, listen to these commercials that were created for a "visit new york city promotion" at SPOTS

****CELEBRITY SIGHTING (media adulation)….lauren bacall waiting in a doctor's reception room just like a real person. STAR

****JOKE DU JOUR (told to me by the passengers)….this week the punch line is "oh, you mean whirling john smith."

****TO HEAR A RECENT GABBY CABBY BROADCAST, CLICK HERE. LISTEN

****TO SEE GABBY CABBY TV PRESENTATIONS, CLICK HERE. SEE

****LISTEN TO THE LATEST VERSION OF "NEW YORK, NEW YORK….it is written and sung by jack servello LISTEN

****AND ON THE FLIP SIDE….this is an intro promotion made by the folks at chnl in kamloops, british columbia. LISTEN

****NEW YORK CITY SHOWCASE (DESIGNER LINE OF CLOTHING)….see it all at SWELL