****NEW YORK CITY SHOWCASE (DESIGNER LINE OF CLOTHING)….see it all at SWELL

****TWO WARS ARE BETTER THAN ONE…. some people die, some people make profits with u.s. army contracts. WAR

****THE GABBY CABBY FIELD OFFICE IN IRAQ (the largest staff of any media office in the middle east)….this week's exclusive true tale is that we give you this quote from one of the soldiers…."actually, the greatest racket of all time would appear to be the american civilian police who they imported to iraq to help set up the iraqi police. retired cops from chicago and miami and new york city, making what are absolutely ridiculous amounts of money to train the IP. spend a year in iraq, come back two hundred and fifty thousand dollars richer."

****DONALD RUMSFELD IS THE DEFENDANT (franklin v. rumsfeld, 06 civ. 4579)….united states federal court southern district of new york….this past week the united states attorney in new york city called me on my unlisted telephone number and then sent a letter to a home address that is also not listed. neither the phone number or the address was shown on my original court document. i wonder if the department of justice knows what i had for dinner last night.

****a national park service employee allegedly lured a 13-year-old mexican illegal immigrant into having sex with him, then arranged for another 10 men to sleep with her at a staten island motor lodge, prosecutors said. angel nazario, 60, who works at the statue of liberty was ordered held without bail following his arraignment last week on multiple counts of second-degree rape. now we know why the department of homeland security keeps the statue of liberty locked so that tourists (and park employees) can not go into it. STATUE

****street noise is so out of control that frustrated and sleep-weary new yorkers cite it as the big apple's number one problem, a new survey has found. this week we are giving a tip to tourists if they want a quiet room. no need to stay in noisy midtown when you can stay in quiet harlem.

****congress examining waste of sept. 11 aid money faulted the manhattan district attorney's office for failing to prosecute more new yorkers who may have scammed free air conditioners from the government after the attacks. the manhattan district attorney doesn't do much about protecting taxi drivers either. you have to really do something bad to get prosecuted, especially if it is after 3pm. that is how they keep the phony crime statistics down. DISTRICT ATTORNEY

****our favorite new roosevelt island development is a place where the tenants may hear voices. after all, the "octagon" used to be the new york lunatic asylum, an interesting past that you will definitely not find on their website.

****police were called to the new york times after the newspaper received an envelope containing a suspicious-looking powder. a worker opened the envelope, which contained a "white powdery substance. it was not immediately known what the substance was. street talk says that it was actually a delivery of coke to a staff member.

****the financial media reported that the escalating violence triggered another big dive by the U.S. stock market, where anxious investors eyed the possibility of higher energy prices cutting into consumer spending and corporate earnings, thereby slowing the economy. the only noticeable "dive" was the rush to get away for the weekend. STOCK MARKET

****life is no beach for a gay bodybuilder who is suing for the right to sunbathe in the nude on with man's best friend by his side. mark delcore, 39, claims he suffers from a disabling skin condition caused by 9/11 and the antidote is "exposure to sun all over my body." he also claims he suffers from posttraumatic stress disorder as a result of the sept 11, 2001, terror attacks and needs to be accompanied at his favorite nude beach by his rat terrier cheekies. the dog will also be naked.

****perhaps because they had already been spending with gusto….splurging on "hookers, heroin and high-tops," in the words of a law enforcement official….the pair used a motel washing machine to cleanse their remaining cash. they went to the coin-operated laundry room and put it in the washing machine," said the official. "it got rid of some of the dye, but it left the money looking pretty disheveled." this is really money laundering.

****The NYPD has recruited an unorthodox new officer - the big apple's first hasidic cop. joel witriol, a 24-year-old talmud scholar from brooklyn, has started his training at the department's police academy.

****OLD TIME RADIO (shows you might be too young to remember)….mel blanc was probably best known for the many voices he did for cartoon movies. THE PAST

****THE SNEAKY CAMERA (the hidden camera)….a growing collection of new yorkers are unaware that they are being watched by a certain taxi driver. new ones are added from time to time. take a peep at SNEAKY

****YENTA YACK FROM THE BACK OF THE HACK (what they are talking about in the yellow mobile conveyance lounge)….the metropolitan museum of art has raised its admission charge to twenty bucks. now, only the real fat cats can go to this city subsidized amusement park. do you have any idea how many object d'arts are missing from this museum?

****QUIET PLEASE, THIS IS THE LIBRARY (get away from the din of life)…. andrew trees has written "academy x" published by bloomsbury. it is all about the snots who go to private school in new york city. the real deal is that new york city taxi drivers do not like to pickup these children.

****THE STORY BEHIND THE STORY (what the media didn't tell you)....the magazine, the economist, published a letter in which the writer said that 'the muslim cab drivers in new york city are just so happy to be in america and have no time for sectarian squabbling." as usual, the economist bends the truth to its own political beliefs. nothing could be further from the truth.

****THE EARL THEATER (it used to be on 161st street in the bronx. new york city has lots of rich people, but it has many more people living in slums thanks to the inaction of the city government and crooked landlords. SLUM

(please note: when playing a movie on your computer, you should diminish the size of the frame. if you have a problem, please contact us.

**AND THAT NEAT MOVIE HOUSE ALWAYS SHOWED A DOUBLE FEATURE AND HERE WE ARE WITH A SECOND FLICK. this is a wonderful trip around new york city in the famous yellow mobile conveyance lounge. HONK HONK

****THE HEY ABBOTT AWARD (an epistle about life)....to the united states army recruiter who took steven d. green into the army. green was a 19 year old high school graduate who had just racked up his third misdemeanor conviction. actually, the entire recruiting command of the united states army should get the award this week. they seek out and search for the worst possible losers because they figure it is an easy completion point to make.

****STOP THE MUSIC (do you know what tv show this theme came from?)….everyone just hoped that they too could have their own witch living in their house. this particular witch was the kind that made you drool. TV

****THE MOST WANTED TOUR IN THE BIG APPLE…. here are some happy visitors. you too can have a tour by going to TOUR INFO

**to listen to what other happy tourists had to say about the tour, just go AUDIO

**to see some additional happy tourists perform in short video productions go VIDEO

**to hear broadcast spots about some of the places where folks are taken to, listen to these commercials that were created for a "visit new york city promotion" at SPOTS

****CELEBRITY SIGHTING (media adulation)….dr. evil (mike myers) got into the taxi. he was not so evil. i asked him where the little guy was. STAR

****JOKE DU JOUR (told to me by the passengers)….this week the punch line is "you are not eating properly."

****TO HEAR A RECENT GABBY CABBY BROADCAST, CLICK HERE. LISTEN

****TO SEE GABBY CABBY TV PRESENTATIONS, CLICK HERE. SEE

****LISTEN TO THE LATEST VERSION OF "NEW YORK, NEW YORK….it is written and sung by jack servello LISTEN

****AND ON THE FLIP SIDE….this is an intro promotion made by the folks at chnl in kamloops, british columbia. LISTEN

****NEW YORK CITY SHOWCASE (DESIGNER LINE OF CLOTHING)….see it all at SWELL