these are the true tales that my broadcasters and their nice listeners are hearing currently which is the week of june 4, 2006.

WHEN WE ALL LEAVE NEW YORK CITY, WE CAN’T TAKE OUR PETS WITH US….mayor’s office says that if we get hit by some bad weather thing or maybe a bunch of crazy people, we might have to leave the big apple. your four cats and a dog will have to stay in your apartment until you come back. if you come back.

THE CAR HONKING IS NOW STARTING TO DRIVE US AND THE TOURISTS NUTS….it has always been bad noise in the big apple, but for some reason it is getting really terrible. in california, motorists shoot each other. in new york city, we give the finger and honk. i shall explain this quaint custom.

TONY SOPRANO WILL BE SHOCKED TO FIND OUT THIS NEWS ABOUT THE WASTE HAULAGE PEOPLE IN NEW YORK CITY….it turns out that many of the owners and employees have failed to reveal their criminal past histories like killing, maiming, arson and larceny. are these requirements for the industry?

IF YOU ARE WORRIED ABOUT TERRORISTS IN NEW YORK CITY, FORGETABOUT IT….because each year about 11,000 people in this town die from overweight health problems. the enemy is not bombing us. the enemy is feeding us. i shall tell you how i stay so svelte.

BIRDIE, BIRDIE, IN THE SKY DROPPING WHITEWASH IN MY EYE, GEE I AM GLAD THAT COWS CAN’T FLY….more and more commuters are ending up at grand central terminal and pennsylvania station with pigeon droppings on their clothing. what is happening in the suburbs to cause all of this?

IF YOU WANT TO BUGLAR A PLACE JUST GO TO YOUR NEAREST POLICE STATION….would you believe there is a guy floating around who goes into police stations and then goes into their locker rooms and then goes into their lockers and takes stuff from the cops? they just caught the guy and he is lucky he did not get a pole up the you know what.

****if you can’t handle the truth, like jack nicholson said in that movie, than don’t go to my blog each day which is at TODAY

****celebrity sighting of the week was chris rock. he is black in person.

****the punch line of my joke du jour which you can only hear on your local radio station is “my keeping pure also upsets my husband quite abit.”