07/17/05: The Week of July 17, 2005 due to technical difficulties, this week’s true tales are presented in text form rather than our usual fantastic display….. to find out what is happening today go to blog. MAYOR BLOOMBERG FIDDLES WHILST NYC HAS TEETH PROBLEMS….would you believe that he is spending $220,000 a day on his re-election campaign. the number of children not able to afford dental work in this city has gone up again. $220,000 a day is what it would cost to have free dental care for needy kids. DON’T RIDE IN A NEW YORK CITY TAXI CAB….once again, a coked up driver has killed someone. did you wonder if there is drug testing for cab drivers? of course there is. you get a three month warning when the test is going to be. THE BAD BOYS DON’T EVEN LEAVE THE DEAD’S RELATIVES ALONE….mourners are being robbed at our very large cemeteries so the cops now have undercover diggers watching out. by the way, all cemeteries in the big apple are filled. there is no waiting list. WHAT EFFECT DID THE LONDON BOMBINGS HAVE ON NYC?....cops are now getting an extra $2million a week on overtime; most muslims here still believe the newsweek story about the koran being flushed down the toilet and so the bombings were justified; non-muslim “think tanks” still invite “distinguished” overseas muslims to speak and they are still being turned back at kennedy airport; even though the gang leader of the bombings was educated at an american university, our city colleges maintain the policy of letting anyone from anywhere get a free degree; cell phones can no longer operate in our tunnels. “wake up and realize that the line has been drawn between the camp of muslim and the camp of non-believers and there is no middle ground,” according to a local nyc muslim group. BUT SPEAKING OF TELEPHONES….free phones are being placed around the city by a company that makes its money by having advertisements in the phone booths for you to look at while making the call. NEW YORK CITY POLICE DEPARTMENT HAS STOPPED TELLING PEOPLE TO TAKE OFF THEIR CLOTHING….a court ruled that the nypd does have the right to strip search people who are arrested on minor offenses. that is a shame. there is nothing better for a guy than being strip searched by a lady cop. $40 million in damages paid out by the city. THIS WEB SITE HAS BEEN PROVEN CORRECT ONCE AGAIN….the hands free rule about cell phones has done nothing to cut down on auto accidents in new york city, according to a report. we said, and we will repeat, it is the talking on the phone that is dangerous either with or without hands. CHINATOWN RETAINS ITS TITLE AS THE FILTHIEST PLACE IN THE BIG APPLE….the city has earmarked $7 million to convince our oriental friends to use a wastepaper basket and why they should wrap up their garbage in bags. LEARN TO SPEAK NEW YAWK….the word for the week is: “schnorer” JOKE DU JOUR: “but not from the diving board.”